You may be an archaeologist if:

You may be an archaeologist if:

1. You take filthy objects out of the dirt and tap them against your teeth to see what they are.

2. You find yourself wondering what the sherds would look like if you smashed a piece of your wedding china.

3. You can’t get through a conversation without drawing a map on a napkin.

4. While someone is talking to you, you are imagining what their skull looks like.

5. Your idea of weekend fun is crawling through a muddy cave.

6. Your machete is sharper than your kitchen knives.

7. You know how to avoid diseases your friends haven’t heard of.

8. You’ve ever felt someone’s head at a party to see if they have a sagittal keel.

9. You spend more time picking a backpack than a car.

10. You own a closet full of backpacks that you use judiciously to accessorize for trips.

11. You organize the buttons in your button box in accordance with a typology.

12. You buy the topo quad maps for your holiday destination.

13. You’ve ever knocked yourself unconscious by walking into a low-hanging branch while surface collecting.

14. You know how to make cocktails with Pepto Bismol.

15. The older your spouse gets, the more interested in him or her you are.

(With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy and Agatha Christie)